Unedited except for everything.
Focus groups were clear: “clot” tested poorly, largely because people knew what it meant. “Situation” tested beautifully. It could mean anything. It still can. Effective immediately, all clots are situations, all situations are developing, and all developments are fine.
1. You looked something up. 2. You looked it up again, more specifically. 3. A family member used the phrase “just to be safe.” 4. You are still reading this list instead of calling anyone. 5. Deep down, you already know it's vibes. It has always been vibes.
We've seen the reports. We've seen the graphs. We would like to remind everyone that graphs can be drawn to say anything, including things that are true, which is precisely the problem with graphs. No further comment, and please stop asking Clotty. Clotty is not a source.
A year ago we set an ambitious goal: drink more water, or at least talk about drinking more water. We are proud to report that the talking goal was met, exceeded, and eventually turned into a standalone plan. The drinking goal has been rolled into next year's agenda.
We sat down with Clotty for what was billed as a candid, no-holds-barred conversation. Clotty held every hold. When asked how it was feeling, Clotty gestured broadly at everything and left. We are calling this a successful interview and moving on.
Several readers have asked what “the day it finally happens” refers to. Per policy, we can neither confirm nor deny that a day exists, that it is finally, or that anything will happen. Thank you for your continued readership. See you on the day, whatever it turns out to be.
