A curated feed of things people said online, before we asked them to stop.
All posts below are fictional. Any resemblance to actual public health communication is a coincidence we are looking into.
📌 Pinned by the Office of Circulatory Optimism
SAFETY REMINDER: If it's still beating, it's still working. Stay hydrated, stay calm, and do not describe your leg to a journalist. Together we flow. #ClotPositive
I may be a clot but I'm a big deal. Little reminder from your favorite blockage: circulation is a suggestion, not a personality. Be safe out there 💪
We are not aware of any clot. We have never been aware of any clot. The clot may be aware of us. That is a separate briefing. Next question.
For the fourth time this week: if one leg suddenly swells, gets warm, and hurts, please go to an emergency room. Sudden shortness of breath is a 911 call. This is not a political statement.
The media WON'T tell you this but my left ankle has been a beautiful shade of purple since March and I have never felt more alert. Do your own research. Elevate nothing.
SAFETY TIP OF THE DAY: If you believe you are having a clot, stand very still. It cannot pursue what it cannot locate.
my nephew works at the hospital and he says the waiting room is now just forty people saying "it's probably nothing" at the same time. he says it echoes.
CLOT SAFETY THREAD (1/5) - please read all five parts.
2/ Don't panic.
3/ Don't Google it.
4/ Don't tell the media.
5/ Don't finish this thr-
Day 1,491 of politely asking what "The Prophecy" refers to and what "the day it finally happens" means. The comms office has muted me. I remain safe and unanswered.
We have updated the official guidance. The new guidance is the previous guidance in a warmer, more reassuring font. Stay safe. Stay legible.
this year I stopped trying to dissolve my clots and started dissolving my expectations. honestly? way more sustainable. staying safe by staying present 🌿
Booked my annual checkup for a date that does not exist so nobody can move it. See you all on Clotober 39th. Bring water. Be safe. 🎉
If any post above made you feel a symptom, that is the media's fault and also completely normal. For a real emergency, contact a real physician - not a dramatic dashboard.
